On my way home today I was doing a mental self check in and discovered that in someways I'm totally different than I was a few months, ago, or even last year. It's like the time in college when my Mom and I were at a new mall and she exclaimed, "Look they have your favorite store, Claire's." I had to reply, "Mom, I haven't gone in Claire's since I was like in 9th or 10th grade." Please keep in mind, I have no judgements to anyone's favorite things, this is just a personal self-check in. I'm sure that next year it will be totally different all over again. So here's my new lists.
THINGS I'M OVER: Eating at McDonald's Going to the movies when I'm bored Starbucks American Apparel My Space (save for my DJ Phoenix account) Violent loveless television shows
THINGS I'M ALMOST OVER: Dunkin' Donuts( bagels, sweet tea, munchkins) Cheese Eggs (unless they are cage free organic) Eating too much Needing to wear something different every day Processed sugar Tolerance of clutter IHOP Putting things off until later
THINGS I'M GETTING INTO: Soulful House Music Eating fruit and vegtables every single day Taking dance technique class regularly Cooking as many meals as possible Baked Sweet Potatoes Granola Greek Yogurt
THINGS I'M STILL INTO: Funky Natural Hair Styles Amazing heels Fashion and Home decor mags Singing, Dancing, Acting, Writing, DJing Riding my bike whenever possible Playing in the park Picnics Summertime! Netflix movies Watching tv online Collecting arty postcards Hanging out whenever possible
No matter how organized you try to be, or proactive or on top of things sometimes things fall apart. In our quest to do our homework and really try to know as much about each other (and still be righteous according to God's word) we are learning to surrender to the fact that there will be things we won't know and that no matter how well you plan sometimes things get messed up. This is a really difficult thing to realize being the type A, artist type perfectionist that I am slowly realizing that I am. Sometimes vendors let you down, disappear, close down, don't call you back, etc.
I have to admit after watching The Bachelor Wedding special with Jason and Molly last week, I was beginning to get wedding envy. With the network providing everything from celebrity hair and make-up stylists to Manolo Blahniks for EVERYONE(!!!) I began to sigh. If money were no object this would be so much easier. Right?
Nah. Having parameters is a great thing. How else will learn to grocery shop and pay all our bills every month? I think God is trying to teach us to have a unshakable faith. This is not my wedding, or Hashim's it's God's. However, he wants that day to look and the process that he will take us on to get there is perfectly directed by Him. Even if we don't understand in the moment.
Hashim pointed out that if we can survive this we can start our own business, renovate a home, raise children, pretty much anything we want to do in the future, this planning process lays a strong foundation. So, even though it can be frustrating to hear that butterflies on the cake are way too feminine for Hashim's taste (AH!) I'm glad that we're doing this together. There's no one else in the world that knows how to go to God with me when I am twisted up with anxiety, that makes me laugh this hard, that I have this much fun with: Hashim really is my best friend.