Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Today marks the one month mark. In 30 days Hashim will be my husband. Over the past few weeks I have endured all kinds of physical and emotional stresses on my body, heart and mind. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out why is the engagement process so hard. The easy part is being with Hashim.He is so loving, so protective of my spirit, so handsome, and so much fun to be with. Everything else feels like a whirlwind. Dealing with family, vendors, crazy "friends", trying to accommodate everyone else's needs, trying to prepare myself spiritually, trying not to hurt anyone's feelings, trying to get everything done and all the unexplainable physical changes that my body is going through, trying to work as much as possible before the teaching money runs out this summer, I feel like an emotional wreck. This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life right? Instead, next to grieving the passing of my father, this has been the most challenging time in my life. On Sunday, in church, I finally realized maybe it's not supposed to be easy. Miracles come out of hardship, out of longing, out of a desperate need for God's hand. Perhaps, my heavenly father is allowing me to go through these things in order to let his glory be evident. Or maybe he just wants me to hold onto him. In these last thirty days, I'm going to let go of what I think I'm SUPPOSED to be feeling and just take each day as it comes. I'm going to keep my eyes fixed on the miracle, Hashim and I coming together as one with God, that is about to take place. I'm going to hold on to God's promises and await his perfect timing. I'm going to let God steer the wheel, even if at times it feels like we are taking the scenic, bumpy road. I'm going to trust in him.